I still remember my first crush. It was from 2nd grade to 4th grade and I thought I was in LOVE. His name, how he looked, how crazy I was about him are all emblazoned in my mind, but I cannot recall a memory of us talking (although I did sing him a Britney Spears song during a class talent show). He was cute, in a boy band I-love-the-90s kind of way, with icy blue eyes and blonde hair that he spiked with gel. When I moved away, I wrote him letters that I sealed with a kiss.
I didn't give up on the possibility of him liking me until I stopped receiving letters. As soon as I knew he wasn't responding anymore, my feelings for him ceased. I feel like I love that way now, while I'm in love I love fully, but as soon as I realize things aren't going well I can stop loving. I make myself quit for my own good.
Do many people believe in this sort of phenomenon (that we love like we always have)? Does it have a name? It could be compared to our relationship with time and how we were born. For instance, my sister was a week late but as soon as she decided to come she was there in less than 2 hours (the doctor hadn't even come yet). My mom says she's like that now, that she takes her time doing things but as soon as she's ready she gets it done quickly. I was born after 17 hours of labor, but it was a day or two before the due date. I'm like that now, I'll start doing something but it takes me a while to get it done.